sorry fam

entirely single and entirely aggressive

like a dick

Me to my roommate: What if there’s something in my closet?
My roommate: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME

Maybe, and I’m saying this from personal experience here, don’t hang out with the drug dealer (if they are one). That never ever ends well.

there’s an idea

Something I just whispered to my water glass

“Don’t be rude.”

Uhhhhh I just met a very nice person this evening who was chill with my crazy but I think he’s a drug dealer what do I do

I hope I’m not having a manic break but I did stay up until 5 am and now I’ve organized so much shit that I have 9 bags to donate and that’s not including shoes

Is there a medical term for “I buy clothes when I’m sad and am also too sad to get rid of old clothes so now I’m gonna die under a pile of clothes” or nah

I had a dream that I went to the Bellagio and stole ice cream from them

Today I encouraged my client to stab a pumpkin with pencils, hit said pumpkin with various blunt objects, and then hammer it repeatedly. So clearly, if I ever have children of my own, they will be sociopaths.

“If I exorcise my devils, well my angels may leave too.”