Person: I expected that–

Me: You should literally never expect anything from me because I am a disaster

Guys I just remembered that Uncle Cracker was once a thing

The void does not scream back

Hi porn blogs, I hope you enjoy reading about me screaming into the void

Me: Why is it so hard to straighten my hair?

Me: I think it’s because my hair is not straight

I’ve Had The Depression Since I was a Child, Now Stop Trying to Shame me For It

I’m really glad that my employer is trying to make our new facility aesthetically pleasing, but THERE IS TOO MUCH CLUTTER RIGHT NOW TO MAKE ANYONE COMFORTABLE

Britanick voice: I PEED YOU A POEM

Guy on Belmont, to his friend: Man, I wanna fight somebody.

Me:….Not me, please.

Friend: No, you too cute.

Me: Thanks?

Friend: He just needs to sit down and drink these beers.

Me: Right

Guy: You into chocolate or vanilla girl

Me: I don’t have a preference?

Friend: Oooh talk to her she cute

Me: ….. have a good night bye

I bathed in the rain today

Me: Period poops are weird.

My roommate: I feel like we have this convo every month