Kid: In the event of a zombie apocalypse, don’t forget Mariano’s alcohol section!
Me:…because it’s flammable?
Kid: *mimes throwing a Molotov cocktail*
Me: You’re 12

I just had a dream that I got hit in the face by a crow, and it broke my eyeball.

Yeah, pretty swiftly woke up after that nightmare scenario.

New roommate and her dad started moving stuff in this morning. Offered them watermelon mimosas and shared breakfast (it was pizza)

The Princess and the Goblins

So I basically have been living alone for a week and my new roommate moves in tonight and my other roommate comes back from her family vacation tonight. So I’m watching my favorite childhood film amd drinking watermelon mimosas.

Anxious puking super shitttttty

Ughhh my girlfriend wants to take me camping wtf

So my one roommate is on vacation and the other just moved out, while our new one is slowly moving her way in. Basically I’m living alone for a week, and it’s taking a toll. I literally just said “whatup fam?” to the cat

Uggggh so. This woman I work with is just like so awesome and nice and like, ~I want to keep up our brunch-and-hanging-out thing but I know your roommate is moving out this weekend so there’s chaos happening in your life do you wanna hang at mine~ she is so nice I love friends

Something I literally said to my sibling yesterday: Sorry I’m being like mom.
Something I added: But I hate your patchy mustache and you need to shave it off

Bowling and a riverwalk with the babe. Also met a small bulldog named Jake (8 weeks, very wrinkly). Solid day.