therapist files – Page 2 – We all are stardust

Today I had to put two children in therapeutic holds during group (to keep them from hurting themselves) and then during an individual session, my client puked into a trashcan.

But during my last session, I had a water-gun fight with a kiddo, so that was fun.

All I really wanted to do was go home to hang out on the back deck with my roommates and feel some fucking breeze on my face

I just remembered that a former client told me that I seem like the kid who sat down midfield during a soccer game to pick dandelions, and I love that

A kid during group today told me that he, a dinosaur, stole all my blood and killed me.

My client: I feel like Kidz Bop exploits kids. Like they’re talented but they change the lyrics so the singers don’t know what they mean, and their producers just want money!
My client: Like Uma Thurman is really just about SEX SEX SEX
Me: You’re TWELVE

A 5-year-old client and I were playing pretend during our session today and at one point he said, “I am sleeping and can wake up whenever I want. I don’t have a family or any events and I have time. That’s my plan.” and honestly Big Mood

Did a wall-sit while holding a four-year-old, so work is apparently better for my strength training than the gym was

So often when I tell people I’m a child psychologist they’re like “Oh wow you’re basically doing the Lord’s work” and I’m always like “yeah I love those little shits.”

Kid: My mom said I should stop reading parenting magazines in the waiting room.
Me: Oh?
Kid: “kids say the darnedest things about the birds and the bees.”
Me: I mean that probably is something your parents should explain to you.
Kid: I learned that in fifth grade. *mimics peer* “a baby comes from a vagina?!”
Me: YOU’RE 12

Kid: In the event of a zombie apocalypse, don’t forget Mariano’s alcohol section!
Me:…because it’s flammable?
Kid: *mimes throwing a Molotov cocktail*
Me: You’re 12