Tag: tw

Go to the psychiatrist (no I don’t want to) go to the psychiatrist (ugh I don’t want to) but I did it!

Btw my lyft driver mentioned that he used to live in my neighborhood and gave me histprical facts about a bowling alley that burned down just before pointing out an apartment HE ALMOST GOT MOLESTED IN that is right down the street from mine. Thanks, I didn’t need more trauma in my day.

I’m at this health consultation thing and they measured my weight with a balanced scale, checking how much weight I carry on my right versus left. Cool, whatever. I hate knowing how much I weigh, though, and haven’t looked at a scale in about two years. Perhaps that’s why I now know I’m 40 pounds lighter than I was when I last checked my weight?

So the salami I just cooked into my food apparently is past its sell-by. If I shit or puke myself to death, tell my loved ones I’m a really smart idiot who left this world at probably an okay time, based on past mistakes

lindsaythebrave:

I remember one time when I was in an eating disorder treatment center and struggling to finish a particularly hard meal, a therapist kneeled down next to me and said, “You don’t need to prove to me that you’re in pain.” I could feel some emotion starting to come up and I tried to push it away. She said, “Tell me about the pain, Lindsay. Use you words, not your body.” That’s still one of the most powerful things I’ve been told when in my eating disorder. There have been times, even subconsciously, that I’ve used ED behaviors as a way of showing people how much pain I’m in, telling them that I am not okay inside.  There are still days when I’m tempted to take out my emotions on my body, to make my internal pain visible. But sometimes I think about this therapist and it makes me pause, even for a second, and remember that I don’t have to destroy myself to prove my pain to anyone. It is valid and real whether I look “sick enough” or not.