My chiropractor: Your sweatshirt! Oh wow, I could just pick you up and carry you around!
Me: Why would you say that
Tag: wtf
I think I accidentally have a date tomorrow
I had a dream that I went to the Bellagio and stole ice cream from them
WHY IS THIS FUCKBOY LIKE THIS
Holy SHIT how long was I gaslit for
My psychiatrist: So if you get pregnant, you can be on the celexa, but the gabapentine can cause birth defects.
Me: Right. Definitely not pregnant. I wanna be someday, but—
My psychiatrist: Gay women can get pregnant too.
Me: No, I know.
My psychiatrist: Wait. Are you gay or bi? I forget.
Me: Bisexual. Yeah.
Me: But I’m definitely, definitely not pregnant.
“I’m the daddy in this situation.” Wtf MFM why are you feeding into my kinks
I swear to god I just hallucinated my roommate calling the cat’s name. She is at work
We all are stardust 